PunkConnection.com

"To me, dishonesty hurts more than honesty."

-_vampyre_

AWESOME! I was checking out BostonPunk.org, marking up my planner as usual when I saw a Google ad for "punk dating service." Naturally I clicked on it and ohh boy, it was even better than I imagined! It's owned by MatchPoint, LLC, a company that apparently specializes in online dating sites. They even have a site designed for married people to meet other married people to go on dates with!? Yeah, MarriedSecrets.com is out there for all your polygamous dating needs. But I digress. Punk Connection is even better than Makeout Club because it's apparently more accessible to people who live in Nowhere, USA. Here are some of my favorite quotes-

"What I'm looking for:
some son of a bitch who doesn't give a damn about much of anything...oh and is really dirty cuz im such a dirt bag"

-xXTrueBelieversXx

For somebody who describes herself as an alcoholic she sure has a lot of X's in her screen name. But hell, I'm usually kind of filthy so maybe I should get her number. She lives in Pennsylvania but she's willing to travel, I'm so in!

By the way, I'm sort of doing this all on the fly while also doing my radio show, but this post is keeping me pretty happy. By the way, I got a 22oz Lagunitas Brown Shugga ale that I can't wait to drink when I get off of work at 3am tonight. So yeah, let me do a little search for punk singles in my area, eh? YES! Ooohh, I found a Marilyn Manson quote! "We Hate Love, We Love Hate" was written on the back of my buddy, Ian's (R.I.P.), shirt back along with a sign of the beast hand and a 666. He got in a lot of trouble for wearing that shirt to school and then I got into trouble for having anarchy symbols markered on my head. I was in 8th grade, come on, it was funny.

"if you are preppy or a wannabie piss off if you like linkin park/sum41/and shit like that piss off posers and fakes! better yet if you like anything that plays on MTV then you are a poser so fuck off and don't waste my time! I like old school punk like GBH,old Misfits,The Adicts, Black Flag,Sex Pistols,THE EXPLOITED, THE CURE, RAMONES, ect....I am looking for a real Punk girl"

-Deathrider

Wow, his avatar is an anarchy symbol. What a turd this guy is. I'm actually getting kind of bored with this, which means that you probably have been bored for awhile now. Sorry to have taken out my boredom on you.

Muzak to my ears

A few days ago I was a lazy slob so I decided to take the elevator up to the floor I live on. Left all by my lonesome in that big hollow box, I occupied my time by looking at myself in the ceiling mirrors, having a face-making battle with a rather formidable opponent. I can't remember who won, but it was definitely a close call. In the heat of battle, however, I thought to myself, "Why isn't this elevator playing any elevator music?" For the rest of the trip up I contemplated this anomaly only to conclude that my elevator is in fact not an exception, rather it is the standard. Honestly, how many elevators can you credit as purveyors of fine muzak? Not that many, eh?! I raced to unlock my front door only to barge into my room and discover more about the little known subject of elevator music.



Wikipedia was my primary point of reference. Major General George O. Squier coined the term "Muzak" by combining music with Kodak. Apparently he just liked the name Kodak and figured "what the hell, Kodak is a fine film and I've created a fine way to transmit background music, MUZAK!" Wikipedia is some fine reading but it's not as complete as Muzak.com. At that site you can listen to music programs that the Muzak corporation has created for various clients, such as Popeye's, Lenscrafters, Red Lobster, and many more. They give detailed descriptions for why they chose the music they did. For example, the Lensecrafters program "is a mix of current and recurrent adult contemporary, adult alternative, mature vocals, classic soul and acid jazz." They chose this program because it is "Confident, Engaging, Integrity, Authentic, Experienced, Innovative, Honest, 'In The Know.'"

These people put a lot of thought into the jams, a lot more thought in fact than a lot of stupid bands these days. Check out the USPS case study if you want to listen to some awesome instructions in Spanish. You can even create your own Muzak with their "audio imaging" form! It rules, you can create music based on energy, mood, lifestyle, and style! Check it out!

Muzak.com
Wikipedia

Captain Jean-Luc Picard and His U.S.S. Enterprise

You know those familiar old songs that really get to you? Those songs that reveal vivid memories. More often than not, one or two specific lines are the real clenchers, those few words capable of evoking either divine reminiscences or unpleasant recollections. For me, one line from The Picard Song can put me into a state of euphoria and I owe it all to ytmnd.com. In the summer of 2005, this YTMND forever changed my life. . .



Captain Jean-Luc Picard, the U.S.S. Enterprise times infinity equals a good time. Dark Materia doesn't mess around on this anthem, but it was the genius, ShittyMcShit, who took The Picard Song to a whole new level. Catchy and to the point, the repetition of that one line never gets old.


It's so easy to dance to, even those with fake hips and arthritis can enjoy it.

Here's a good game that's sure to please you and your friends-
1. Go to a party that is playing music through a computer.
2. Go to Picard's YTMND in your favorite web browser.
3. Turn the music program's volume way down and the master volume way up.
4. Minimize the web browser window and maximize the music program window.
5. Get out on the dance floor with your buddies and dance like nobody's business while recruiting other happy party guests to join in the hoopla.
6. Watch the party host frantically try to resolve their issue with the novel song as you and your dance buddies have a good time with one of the greatest captains this universe has ever known.

Listen to the song but don't say I didn't warn you. Once you hear it you won't ever be the same again.

The Picard Song
ytmnd.com
Picard's YTMND
Shitty McShit (creator of Picard's YTMND)
Dark Materia (creator of The Picard Song)

Botch - Live at the Fireside Bowl

Whiskey Plus: Greatest Music Magazine Ever

I don't know if I had ever read a karaoke bar review until the fateful day I thumbed through my copy of Whiskey Plus #1.

"I'm not sure how this works-how does one simultaneously hold the thoughts 'I want to do karaoke!' and 'I think the best choice is an eight minute long Radiohead song with no chorus and a four minute instrumental section!'? Puzzling."

Covering Modern Rock, Hot Country Singles, Hot Ringtones, Crash Test Dummies, Prince, and Oasis, Nate Gangelhoff tackles the tough issues that all the other magazines are afraid of. His irreverent chastising of seemingly harmless subject matter kept me laughing as I flew through this relatively short (16p.) read. Highlights include a Korn concert and the music that Nate's coworker listens to.


Write to Nate at:
Nate Gangelhoff
PO Box 8995
Minneapolis, MN 55408

Though from one of Nate's other magazines, I would highly recommend checking out The Sorry Saga of Nick Carter for more quality music journalism.
Nate Gangelhoff's zines (buy some)

"No, seriously, This Bike isn't a Pipe Bomb!"

So, those rules of rock, yeah, you know the ones- like the granddaddy of them all, "Don't be the guy wearing the shirt of the band you're seeing." I always assumed that the list of rules included "Don't put a 'This Bike is a Pipe Bomb' sticker on your bicycle." On Thursday, March 2, Ohio University graduate student Patrick Hanlin learned why. Apparently somebody thought that his bike was in fact a pipe bomb and they called the bomb squad!


Full Story
This Bike is a Pipe Bomb

**LISTEN TO THIS BIKE IS A PIPE BOMB**
The Black Panther Song
Of Chivalry and Romance in a Dumpster
Next Bus (live)
This Is What I Want
The Argument

I think I'm in love pt. 1 (review of Moonshine's s/t CD)

My good sir, Eric, of Torture Garden Picture Company so graciously sent me a free copy of his latest release, Moonshine-s/t CD. He'd given it a little plug earlier, "A female fronted Doom band," to which I hadn't given much thought. Somehow the idea of a female fronted Doom band seemed a bit like a premeditated hook. Ohh how wrong I was. During the first strums on Baby Elephant Stomp I was overtaken by a sense that greatness was ahead, though I remained skeptical.


(Apparently Moonshine's drummer is Ron Jeremy? What do you think?)


The album starts out with a good four minutes of southern style metal instrumentals, as we patiently await our the arrival of our delightful mistress. Mis belts out menacing mid-level shrieks until instruments fade and in a beautiful feminine voice she serenades us with-

And all I can pray for
is a feast of lead
through a duct taped mouth.
My teeth hang on by threads of hope.
But I'll continue
to breath in the thin air
and forget
to exhale

She then returns to those lines in her previously offered hostile voice, sort of as a reminder that she can still fuck you up. Track two, White Smoker, is the song that got me to push away my work, put on some headphones, and actively listen to the music. Out of 34 words, Moonshine manages to push the four and a half minute mark, repeating fracions of those two senentences a number of times until they are spat out as a whole. Each cycle through the poetics becomes increasingly urgent, displaying the wide range of Mis' vocal stylings. From high-pitched, blood-curdling shrieks of terror to low-end guttural growls, Mis covers a lot of ground. Track four, Thrice, features the combined vocal stylings of Mis and another vocalist. Once he wails through slow, drawn out cries of desperation-

Prove to me
Show to me

Mis joins him with her familiar shrieks in a resolution-

Bring me closer to life

Overall this is a solid album, travelling through a wide range of stylings that all tie themselves together as the Moonshine sound. Punks making metal have never sounded so sweet.

Recommended tracks: White Smoker, Thrice




As Wayne pines for Cassandra, so I await the day that Mis will greet me with open and loving arms. She will be mine, ohh yes, she will be mine.


Moonshine's Myspace
Torture Garden Picture Company's Myspace